Twice as long
“Doug would you mind possibly paying the cab driver at some point between now and the end of
time as we know it; I hear there’s an apocalypse coming,” Drue moaned, standing in front of the front door of
the old rustic villa. “A six hour cab fare and he decides to tip ten percent!”
he shouted. “When I said that I knew some Italian I mean I knew some Italian; I didn’t mean I was fluent in it!”
“Cant we just go in?” Lisa asked, running
her fingers across the top of the door, searching for a key.
“Gay-boy has the key,”
she exclaimed, holding up a dusty key. “I think I just found it,”
They walked in the house and let their
mouths drop to the floor as they gazed at it; the entrance hall; it was terracotta stone with dark wood open doorways leading
to the kitchen, dining room and patio outside.
“Whoa,” Drue said looking around. “This is some classy
“Last one to a bedroom is cooking dinner tonight!” Will called, being first to run up the
stairs and claim his bedroom.
“Are we lost?” Jen asked as she stepped out the rental car and stretched her arms behind
her back, looking down the deserted track. “Because this looks more like road to nowhere than road to the Tuscan countryside,”
“We’re not lost,” Jack argued.
he just doesn’t know where we are,” Ethan added, grabbing the map from him and opening it out on the hood.
in Italy!” Jack argued. “And we are….”
“Heading in the wrong direction!” Ethan
said, looking at the map. “Jack! We’re going in the completely wrong direction; how much of an idiot are you?”
I’m an idiot?”
“Yes you’re an idiot?”
“Who was meant to be navigating?”
“Andie!” he told him, turning around to point to her. “She pointed out the directions and I relayed
it to you,”
“Well it wouldn’t’t have been the wrong direction if Captain Map over here had
actually given me the map the right way around!” Andie said pointing to Ethan.
“Didn’t you notice
that the compass was pointing east but saying south?”
“no… I did not notice that the compass was
pointing east but saying south actually Mr. Perfect!”
“Okay!” Joey sighed getting between them. “Andie, Ethan, Jack… you’re driving me insane!”
she yelled. “Jen you grab the map and get in the front with me; I will drive and you will navigate,”
Joey because you’re such a good driver,” Jack clucked,
only to stop when she gave him a characteristically icy glare. “I’ll just be…. Y’know… getting
in the back… now…” Jack said backing away from her glare slowly. “Ethan… Andie…Protect
“Can I have your salted nuts?”
“Excuse me?” Pacey asked the beautiful
girl sitting next to him, removing his headphones.
“Your nuts,” she repeated, pointing down to the packet
of Peanuts on his lap. “Can I grab them?”
“My… my nuts?” he asked, looking down at his
crotch “You… you want to grab my nuts?
“My… my what?”
he asked, putting his hand on his ear to unblock some sound.
“Are you going to eat them?” she asked. “Your
peanuts!” she repeated, taking a deep breath and grabbing for the packet.
“Ohhh!” Pacey chuckled,
putting his hand over his face. “My peanuts – sure – I’m allergic,”
the girl smiled shyly, placing them on her tray. “I save them for later,” she told him before going back to her
“Y’see…” Pacey told her, tapping her on her shoulder to get her attention “You
spoke and I heard salted nuts… and then you pointed down
there… and then peanuts turned into… pee-nus,”
see,” she blushed brightly and slapped her sister as she laughed into her magazine. “I just wanted your nuts –
salty nuts – err – penis—peanuts! I just wanted your salted peanuts,” she rambled, avoiding his eyes
as she sank into her seat
“That’s just embarrassing Daph,” she chuckled. “I mean he thought you wanted his penis when you just wanted his nuts? Then you said penis
instead of peanuts and now I’m pretty sure the guy thinks that you’ve been staring at his crotch the whole flight,”
Daph warned between gritted teeth.
“Sir, she’s has her eye on your nuts for an hour so could you just take
her into the bathroom and rock the plane?” she asked leaning across her sister, getting pulled back sharply.
have not been staring; she has been staring and she is insane- I can also assure you that as soon as this plane lands I will
be killing my sister in cold blood and hiding her body”
“Really its fine; my nuts are your nuts; your nuts
are my nuts,”
“What nuts?” she asked.
“Any kind of nuts,” he said slowly. “Peanuts…
“Actually a coconut isn’t a nut,”
“A fruit… not a nut,”
Pacey smiled , looking into her eyes as she looked back at him, moving closer in her seat.
fact… a nut is categorized as seed surrounded by a fruit so the shell is the fruit and the part we eat in the seed,”
you’re telling me that we throw away the part we should eat and eat the part we usually spit out?”
you just can’t resist licking a juicy nut,” she told him, gazing into his blue eyes and watching him shift in
his seat, licking his lips.
“I’m going to head off to the bathroom,” he whispered in hr ear. “The
one over there,”
“Okay,” she smiled.
“If you need me I’ll be right over there,”
he told her. “Over there in the bathroom with a good solid door and nobody outside of it,”
fun,” she whispered back watching as he walked away, glancing over at her once in a while. “I’ll be right
back,” she told her sister
“Where are you going?”
“To rock this plane out the sky,”
“That was the longest road trip in history!” Joey complained as she stepped out the rental
car and slammed the door. “Twelve hours! Twelve hours to do a six hour road trip!”
Andie moaned. “Because Miss. Joey couldn’t possibly get lost,” Andie droned sarcastically as she retrieved
the bags from the trunk
“It was my not-so-competent co-pilot,” Joey defended, pointing to Jen. “Twelve
hours to do a six hour journey and it was mostly your fault,”
“My fault?” Jen scoffed. “Who
“Who gave me the wrong turning?”
“I gave you the right turning; you just
interpreted it wrongly,”
“Oh yeah,” she bit back sarcastically. “Because turn left here is so easily translated to turn right here”
“You said turn Right!”
“I said left,”
“No, you said right!”
what I actually said was ‘Hey Jo turn left, then you
“No… I said… right?”
“Who cares?” Jack interrupted, turning Joey
and Jen around. “Holiday destination! We’re here… we’re six hours late but we’re here,”
we lost an entire day!” Joey complained. “It’s eleven at night instead of five in the afternoon!”
rich coming from someone who didn’t even want to come in the first place,”
“Can we just go inside?”
Jack asked taking the key out of the envelope and walking towards the door.
“Give me that,” Jen sighed,
taking the key from him and turning it in the lock. She looked around in the dark and ventured into the large entrance hall.
“That’s so sweet!” Jen sighed, running his fingers over a glass vase full of yellow flowers. “Flowers,”
that?” Joey asked sharply, tapping Jen on the shoulder as she watched a shadow on the wall. “Is someone there?”
“Hello?” The voice came from the dark.
“Aaaaah!” Jen screamed, picking
up the vase and smashing it over the head of the unsuspecting houseguest.
Part 6 here
Part 8 coming soon...