True Love Tales









Whenever You Need Me

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Part 5

Nothing




Everything she says to me means nothing
Even words of sympathy mean nothing
Feeling down and I hate the sound of nothing
What's the point in hanging round for nothing

And I can't remember falling in love with you
This is agony
And you know you're putting me through

This misery
taking every memory
Just tell me why this misery won't go away
How can we carry on this way

I find it hard to hold a conversation
And being with her's just an aggravation
I could stay but I haven't got the patience
I'm sick of her pathetic explanations

That's why I've forgotten falling in love with you
This is agony
And you know you're putting me through

This misery
taking every memory
Just tell me why this misery won't go away
How can we carry on this way

You'll never bring me down
Coz I'm so far above you
You think you're strong
But you're nothing to me now
And I hope you will be happy
This time around

And I can't remember falling in love with you
This is agony
Do you know you're putting me through
(Oh!)
This misery taking every memory
Just tell me why this misery won't go away
I can’t carry on this way! (Yeah!)





Pacey was sickened by Andie’s behavior; he couldn’t stand it anymore. He had heard about ignoring the subject before but this was ridiculous; he had been sitting in her bedroom on the foot of her bed for over an hour trying to get her to talk but she wasn’t having any of it. Had it been the first attempt to talk to her he might have accepted it, but he had been trying to have the same conversation with her since lunchtime the day before.

Pacey sighed and flopped back down on the bed, holding his head in his hands; he had suffered through another night of lying beside Joey wanting to touch her, but being unable to; it was nothing but pure agony.

Hearing the bathroom door unlock her sat up, determined not to let her drag this out any further. She was either avoiding the subject because she had something to hide or just being plain self-centered; either way he was going to get to the bottom of it, and he was going to get to the bottom of it soon.

Andie walked out from the bathroom slowly, putting her hair up into a tight ponytail; she had spent fifty-eight and a half minutes in there preening herself for dinner. He could see she had washed her hair, had a Bubble bath, changed her clothes, put on some make up and gave herself a manicure. All the time he had been waiting she had been in there just giving herself a not-so-miniature makeover.

Pacey sighed heavily with annoyance and gritted his teeth as she walked over to her closet and picked out her coat; as she put it on he reached for her hand and pulled her towards him and away from the mirror she seemed to have become obsessed with lately.

“Enough’s enough Andie,” he told her. “We have to talk and we have to talk now – no more makeovers, no more preening; just talking,”

“Oh stop it Pace, we have to get going,”

“We’re dealing with this and we’re dealing with it right now,”

“Dealing with what?” She asked distracted, checking herself in the mirror. “Do you think red is a good color for me?”

“Yeah,” Pacey sighed. “Sure – red; the color of a blood vessel bursting,”

“Great,” she smiled. “Then I’m just going to wear red lipstick and we’ll be on our way I promise,”

“Andie,” Pacey said, watching her as she out on her makeup. “We have to talk about this now; either we talk or this relationship is over,”

"Oh come on Pacey, lighten up and take me to dinner" Andie said brightly. "Time for food," she rambled. "I think that new place on Sorely Street has a special. Y'know the place, The Palace?" she asked him, but he wouldn’t move from his spot. "What?" She asked. "Come on, I'm hungry," she pulled on his arm and he just looked angrily at her. "What's that look for?" She questioned harshly.

"What's this look for?" Pacey asked her in disbelief. "What is this look for?" He repeated in the same tone. "This look is because I have been trying to discuss something with you since lunch time yesterday and you've been ignoring me!" He almost shouted at her, she was being so annoying; she was always so annoying and selfish. "And we're not going to dinner," he paused and shook his head. "You and I are going to sit right here and discuss something," he said sternly. “There is no way in hell you are getting out of it easily this time,”

"Well make it quick," Andie sighed, looking at her watch and sitting down on the bed. "We have to go soon if we're going to get a table, I hear it’s really busy right now and I'm hungry. I think I'll have the chicken; apparently it’s nice and moist. Y'know when you get chicken and it’s dry? I hate that it's like what's the point if you're not going to cook for it and…" Andie was rambling again; he decided he would be putting a stop to this right now.

"Andie stop!" Pacey cut her off. "I don't care, okay?" He told her in a harsh irritated tone. "I don't care if we'll miss a table. I don't care if the Chicken is moist or not. I don't care if the sun starts to shine out my ass!" He said through gritted teeth harshly.

“Pacey!”

"All I care about is that you sit down here, stop avoiding the issue and tell me who you're having an affair with!" He said angrily. He didn’t mean for it to come out like that, just accusing her, but at the time it seemed to make so much sense. How could they talk about it if she wouldn’t talk about it?

"What?" Andie asked in a confused tone. "What affair?" She replied dumbfounded by his comment. "I don't believe you still don't trust me!" Andie shouted. "It was one lousy night eight months ago, how can you still hold it against me!" She shouted angrily.

"Well I wouldn’t have so much trouble trusting you if you didn’t make it so obvious that you were sleeping around on me!" He snapped back, standing up and pacing around her room. “Again!”

"What makes you think I'm having an affair?" Andie asked in a high pitched tone, she couldn’t believe him. He said he had forgiven her but he obviously hadn't.

"Oh let me think Andie," Pacey said. He was so annoyed with her, how could she just act so dumb. "The fact that we haven't had sex since you came back, since you betrayed me and my trust, and I found packets of empty condoms in your drawer!" He shouted. "Explain that to me will you because why do you need condoms if you're not having sex with your boyfriend?" His tone was harsh and jagged.

"Those condoms aren’t mine; they were Sonja’s,” she explained. “My cousin. The one staying here, remember her?" She asked him. "She's visiting from Providence, it's her; they were hers she has been using my room to meet with her boyfriend!" Andie yelled. Did he honestly think she would be as stupid as to leave condoms around for him to see? Even she was having an affair that would be pretty stupid to say the least.

"What?" Pacey asked, this, he wasn’t expecting. "They…" He stuttered "They're not yours?" He sighed closing his eyes tightly, he almost felt stupid.

"No! Do you honestly think I would make the same mistake twice?" She asked him, calmer now. "Do you honestly think I would do that to you again? Give me a little credit Pacey," She told him.

"Well what about the fact that when I want to come over I almost have to make an appointment?" He asked her, if she was having an affair he was going to find out.

"I just don't want you to come over and me be out. I'm out a lot with Mom and all,"

"So you're not having an affair?" Pacey asked feeling a little stupid and confused. He didn’t totally believe her but he was going to give her the benefit of the doubt for now. She shook her head at his question and she looked genuinely hurt; maybe she wasn't cheating on him after all. "Andie I'm sorry," He apologized to her. He had asked her to her face and she had denied it.

"Pacey," Andie said taking his hand. "I understand okay? I put you through a lot in the past and I know how hard it is to forgive, let alone forget. Just remember that once we get past this we're going to be great again. I would never cheat on you again because I know what I have in you. You helped me through so much and I never forget that and that’s why I would never hurt you again," she told him softly. “I promise you that,”

“I just don’t believe you Andie,”

“Then I have to make you believe me,” She said, looking into his eyes and kissing his lips softly. She took his lips to hers and kissed them deeper; pushing him down gently on the bed as she continued their kiss.

Thoughts flashed through his mind; he was there again; Marc was there, touching her, caressing her, his hands were all over her, kissing her lips and her neck. He tried to shake them from his mind, trying to concentrate on the kiss, pushing them to the back of his mind.

He noticed her hands on his shirt, unbuttoning it and he let her. Quickly, the thoughts in his head changed; no more Marc, thank god. He couldn’t help but think of Joey sitting at home alone, he thought about her sitting there, her long legs tucked under her, playing with her hair and swirling her coffee with her index finger like always before sucking it clean. He loved the way she did that; especially with a big frothy cappuccino. She would do it all the time, then she would just blow on it softly, causing the froth to ripple as she wrapped her red lips around the rim and drank the sweet, and dark liquid.

Pacey’s mind flashed to the scene in the hallway the day before, thinking of the way she looked at him; it wasn’t a platonic look, he had almost fallen into her eyes, into their depth and sensuality. He couldn’t shake the memory of her smiling eyes, so intense and beautiful.

Joey Potter seemed to have a smile that only he could see; she never used it anywhere else, but it was beautiful, entrancing and -- at the very least -- extremely arousing. He could feel the arousal deep down inside of him as he thought of her and her lips on his.

He felt Andie moan against him as she felt the hardness pressing against her; it hadn’t been caused by her, but by his thoughts of Joey and her body on his. In mind he kissed Joey; in his mind he ran his hands through her soft hair with one hand as he held her closer to him with the other.

In his mind he kissed Joey deeper, rolling over onto her and kissing her sensual lips passionately, letting her remove his shirt and wife beater in one movement and pull his bare torso towards her. She kissed his neck as he soothed her legs with his fingers, pulling her body closer than it had ever been.

He kissed Joey; he tasted the skin on her jaw as he kissed her and moved towards her earlobe. His hands ran up her silky thighs until they reached the waistband of her briefs and pulled them down as he smelt her hair.

He stopped; almost jumping away. That smell on Joey hair was unfamiliar – none of her usual coconut-scented body lotion. The thoughts in his mind had taken over; it was all the thoughts in his mind. The woman he was with in his mind didn’t match up with the body he was caressing.

“What’s wrong?” Adie asked and Pacey opened his eyes to see a sight he had hoped he had imagined.

“I can’t do this,” he told her. “I can’t kiss you; I can’t touch you,”

“Why?” She asked, pulling him back... “You weren’t having any problems a few minutes ago,”

“A few minutes ago I wasn’t thinking clearly,” he told her, moving away from her and putting his wife beater back over his head.

“What are you talking about?”

“I can’t let you back into my mind again Andie; not yet,”

“I don’t understand,”

“I don’t understand either Andie; one minute I’m kissing you and then… its like I’m not kissing the woman I love,”

“That’s insane!” Andie sighed, sitting on the edge of the bed and watching him as he threw his shirt on and grabbed his backpack from the floor.

“I have to go,”

“Don’t hit and run!” She told him, grabbing his Keys to stop him from leaving.

“Give them back Andie,”

“Where are you going?" Andie asked,

“I don’t… I’m not exactly sure,”

“I can’t believe you’re going to kiss me like that and just run out like it was some kind of mistake!”

Pacey fell silent, looking down at the floor and sighting heavily. “I think it was,”

“What are you talking about?”

"I have to go," Pacey said distracted, avoiding her eyes. "I just… I have to go… somewhere; anywhere," He stuttered. He didn't know what to tell her. “I can’t stay here and kiss you and carry on like everything is fine and dandy,”

“Why?”

“Because it’s not fine; it’s the opposite to fine… it’s just wrong. I can’t kiss you when all I can think of it someone else kissing you and touching you like I used to!” He said, only partially lying. “Thinking about you with someone else; kissing someone else; touching someone else,”

“How many times do I have to say sorry?” she asked him, walking over to him and trying to hold him but he pushed her away.

“Until I believe it Andie,”

“I’m telling the truth!”

“The thoughts just keep invading me every time I’m with you; I have to stop thinking! I have to walk away; run away anywhere where I’m not with you,”

“Pacey…”

“I have to be alone to think… to… to get my head on straight,”

“What are you trying to say?”

“I don’t know!” He exploded. “I don’t know anything Andie! I don’t know who I am; I don’t know who you are and I don’t think I care enough to work it out anymore,”

“We can talk about it,”

“I can’t do it anymore Andie; I can’t…”

“Stay and talk,”

“I can’t… I have to go, mom will have dinner on the table soon and I can't be late," he lied.

"So I'll see you tomorrow at school?" She asked him.

"Uh yes, sure whatever,” He stumbled as he tried to walk out the room, what was it about his legs, they just wouldn't work, they just wanted to pick him up and run out but they wouldn’t, they weren't working. "I'll be there. At school. Tomorrow. Tuesday, Day after today, Monday, is Tuesday, and the day after is Wednesday, but tomorrow is Tuesday, second day of the school week. Yes Tuesday yummy meatloaf day," He rambled and then paused, before running out the door.

He ran to his truck through the rain and jumped in closing the door after him; he banged his head on the steering wheel. He was just lucky that the old rust bucket didn't have airbags or he would have been screwed. He thought of what he had just said, it had been so nervous and the ramblings of a mad man; although it all strangely made sense. He saw her looking from the window so he put the keys into the ignition and drove away quickly... He had to go somewhere; he had to go anywhere, anywhere to think.

Part 4 here

Part 6 here



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