Hold Onto Me
If you offered me a shade of blue
would I return it saying
that it was too
dark or light?
Of would I see it for the precious thing
that it might one day be?
If you offered me a point of view
would I dismiss it saying that it was too
black of white?
would I see it as the special thing
that it would no doubt be?
Hold on to me.
I’ll hold on to this gift
it is as slippery as it is rare.
I’ll hold on to the feeling
of walking and finding you there.
I’ll hold on to you and you hold on to me.
If I ask you for a simple thing
would you do it without too
much thinking or fuss?
Would you see it for the precious thing
that it would surely be?
Hold on to me.
on to me.
Hold on to me.
“Hey,” Joey said a little later, entering the room with a dish of water and a
first aid box, locking the door behind her. “I’m sorry about Bessie; I heard her shouting you out earlier”
okay; it’s kind of nice to have someone yell at you because they care
“Yeah well… she’s a little hormone-filled these days with everything going ion
with Bodie,” she told him, tucking a lose strand of hair behind her ear as she sat down beside him on the bed. “She’s
not getting back in here,”
“You look dry,” Pacey said, reaching out to touch her newly-dry hair and
looking down at her long legs as she crossed them. “And beautiful in my jersey,”
she asked, reaching out and unbuttoning his shirt. “This thing is way too big for me… I look like bigbird at a
“That’s why it looks so good,” he told her. “Nothing more beautiful than
a woman in nothing but a man’s too-big jersey and a pair of pink socks,”
”I’m not beautiful;
just scantly clad,”
“Is that what it is?” he joked as she peeled his shirt from his shoulders and
un-tucked his undershirt from his trousers, pulling it over his head. He watched her closely as she took a deep breath and
ran her fingers over the wound on his arm, swallowing a lump in her throat. He caught her hand, moving it away from him. “Don’t,”
what?” she asked, removing her hand from his soft grip and cleaning the wound, trying not to let him see the tears that
burned in her eyes.
“You don’t have to do this; you don’t need to clean me up,” he told her
softly and she shook her head, tucking a stray strand of hair from her face and tucking it behind her ear. “I can take
care of myself; god knows I’m used to it by now,”
“But you don’t have to Pace; I’m here
and I want to help you,” she told him. She wanted to sound strong but the quiver in her chin, the shake in her voice
and the tear that rolled sadly down her cheek gave her away. “I mean look at you; look at what he did,”
“I want to,”
“You’re crying Jo,”
she denied, wiping the tears from her eyes with her wrist. “I’m fine but you’re a mess; look at you,”
too busy looking at you to look at me,”
“It was rhetorical,” she said slowly, refusing to look up
for his to see the tears in her eyes. “What the hell did the bastard do?”
“He cut me,” he told
her and watched as she paused, shaking through her tears. “And you can’t handle it,”
handle it; I have to because you shouldn’t have to handle it on your own,”
“It’s not your problem,”
problem is my problem now,” she told him wiping her tears from her eyes again. “I can handle this,”
can’t handle what he did Joey,”
“You tell me and I will handle it,” she told him, moving to
clean the wound on his eye.
“He was going to cut my throat,” he whispered and watched her as she stopped
cleaning and collapsed into tears. “I could feel that glass on my throat and I was so scared; can you handle that
“How could he?” She asked, closing the
gap between them and cupping his face, looking through her tears and into his sad eyes that glistened with tears unshed.
wanted to scare me and I think he wanted to kill me,” Pacey whispered sadly, letting her head fall onto his chest as
she cried into him, holding his shoulder. “I was scared but at the same time I just… I don’t think it would
have been a bad thing; in fact I almost begged him to do it”
He felt her go still in his arms.
think sometimes… what’s the point of living when nobody loves you. Maybe I would be better off not being here,”
dare you,” Joey cried, moving away from him and looking him in the eyes angrily. “How dare
you think that!”
“It would be less pain; less pain for everyone,”
pain for me?” She asked him tearfully, harshly pushing his chest but not shifting him. “Less pain for me if someone
that I love
suffers so much that he dies because it hurts just
a little less
the only one it would hurt,” he told her, looking into her eyes and groaning heavily when her hand came into violent
contact with his cheek.
“You’re such a selfish man,” she muttered, lying face down on the bed, weeping
into a pillow. “So
sorry,” he whispered, sweeping her hair from the back of her neck and leaning down to kiss her shoulder. “I didn’t
“Did you mean it?” she asked after a moment of silence. “About wanting him to?”
think so,” he whispered sadly.
“Why?” She questioned, turning around slowly and looking into his
eyes as he hovered above her. “Why would you want that?”
“My life’s a mess,” he told
her, letting a tear fall onto her skin. “It’s a mess and I don’t see any light,”
can fix it,” she told him, holding his face. “I can help you fix it,”
“What if we can’t?”
Pacey sighed, falling onto her chest and holding onto her. “What if this is my life regardless of what I do,”
“If I can’t fix it then I’ll just have to pick up the pieces,”
“Why should you
do that though,” he asked her, holding onto her tightly. “Why should anyone do that?”
what friends are for; they make you laugh when you think there’s nothing in life left to laugh about and if you cant
do that then… then I guess they just hold you and tell you it’s okay to cry and that they will always love you.
Friends love you and support you even when you don’t want them to or when you don’t deserve them to because their
love is unconditional,”
“I don’t believe in unconditional love,” Pacey said, looking up at
her as she kissed his forehead.
“Well lucky for you I do. I’m a real friend Pace, I’m not like Dawson
or Andie; I’m here for you, not because I want people to think
I’m a good pillar of strength but because I want someone to be there for you. If I can’t rely on anyone
else I guess it’ll just have to be me; your welfare is important and someone has to help you protect it”
welfare isn’t really at important to your life,”
“That’s like saying food and water isn’t
important to survival,” she told him stroking his hair as he leaned on her. “Because without you I don’t
think I could survive; maybe breathe, but that’s about it,”
Bessie walked to the front door, answering it when she heard a heavy banging.
is he?” Doug asked walking inside, “where’s my brother?”
“I’ve just been trying
to call you,”
“Where is he?” he asked her grabbing her shoulders.
“I went home...” Doug said panicking. “I went home and my mom was gone,
my dad was passed out drunk on the kitchen floor and there was blood on his hands; my brother’s blood was on his hands
and I need to know just how much?”
“Calm down,” Bessie told him, putting her arms around him. “He’s
“Define fine,” he said stonily, holding the tears in his ducts.
and holding up better than you,” she smiled taking his hand and leading him into the kitchen. “Come on I’ll
make you some coffee
Jen waited outside Andies door and wrapped her coat around her as she waited for the hall light
to come on.
“Hey,” she smiled as Andie answered the door in her robe. “You took forever,”
was busy with a friend,” she mumbled breathing heavily “what do you want?’
“Can I come in I’m
“No,” Andie said a little too quickly. “No… I have a guest,”
okay,” she said slowly. “Jut wanted to know if you had heard from Pacey yet, Joey called and I was on my way out
I just thought I’d check with you,”
“Yeah; he turned up, he was never lost,”
good. I’m glad,”
“Is there anything else?’ she questioned, looking inside quickly. “I’m
kind of busy,”
“What the matter,” Jen chuckled. “You got a guy in there or something?”
are you suggesting!”
“Are you accusing me of something?”
well you better not be because I do not have a guy in here; just a cousin,”
“I thought you said it was
“A fiend and a cousin… they can
be both y’know!”
“I was just joking!”
“Yes well it’s not very funny!”
Andie blasted before slamming the door in her face and leaving Jen looking shocked,
“Y’know, you make the best coffee,” Doug smiled as he placed his mug on the
table. “I sure do miss the icehouse for my daily cup,”
“Daily cup?” she chuckled as she sat
opposite him. “More like a daily gallon,”
“Yeah; I have to take a flask to work with me now,”
lot of hard work,” she joked, refilling his cup. “My door’s always open for a free cup,”
might do that; I miss ya,” he said coyly, looking up over the rim of his cup.
“Well I haven’t moved
Doug; you know where I live,” Bessie sighed
“I’m such a failure aren’t I?” he groaned.
“I fail to keep in touch with one of my best friends; I fail to protect my brother like I should… I fail at everything,”
don’t fail at everything!” she told him, moving closer to him and putting her hand on top of his. “You’re
good at your job,”
“That’s not everything,”
“Stop moaning,” she requested
and he smiled over his cup again. “If you moan one more time I swear I’m going to crack you over the head with
the coffee pot,”
“Then I better stop moaning if I know what’s good for me,”
you know it’s seen in the eyes of the law as battery?”
“Isn’t it assault?”
forget; but it’s not good,” he smiled, watching her as she shook her head the way she always did. “So where’s
Bodie at tonight?”
“Take a guess,”
“Ding ding ding, we
have a winner,” she said slowly.
“I take it things aren’t too great for you right now?,”
okay… Bodie and I just aren’t getting on too well… we’re considering the possibility of not being
“I’m sorry,” he told her moving closer to her. “I didn’t know,”
okay. I mean he’ll still come and see Alex and I know we’ll still be friends but I’m just sick of being
lonely all the time and having a screaming child and a pack of teenagers as my only company,”
I was around more,” Doug said, placing his hand on hers.
“You still wouldn’t make up for all the
time he’s gone,”
“I guess not,” he whispered, putting his arm around her. “But I could
come over more and have coffee,”
“I would love coffee,” she smiled, moving away from him.
always were beautiful when you cried,” he told her moving some hair from her face. “Those big eyes just glistening;
it was gorgeous,”
“Nice to know you find me most attractive when in pain Doug.” She chuckled.
Potter is beautiful all the time,” he told her and she paused, unable to take her eyes from his.
you call me Elizabeth,”
“I used to call you Elizabeth all the time,”
“Yes right before
you kissed me,”
“I know,” he whispered moving his lips closer to hers and kissing them softly.
Bessie said suddenly, moving away from him and standing up moving quickly towards the sink. “I should wash these dishes!”
"What for?" she whispered, turning on the water and refusing to look at him. "For keeping me away from these
dishes because you should be; i'm a busy lady,"
“Can I sleep here tonight?” he asked, rolling onto his side and holding her face.
“Because I don’t want to let go yet,”
“Sleep here whenever you want,”
breasts do serve as a comfortable pillow,” he smiled as he rubbed his head against her chest. “They should duplicate
these babies and sell them; they would definitely make a profit,”
“And what are my breasts worth?”
she laughed, stroking his hair as he closed his eyes and settled on her chest.
“Your breasts are priceless to
“Sometimes you can be such a lecherous toad,”
“Well that’s the great thing about unconditional friendship; I can be as lecherous as I want and you will
still love me,”
“I don’t think anything could stop me loving you,” she told him softly, kissing
his forehead. “Even lecherous tendencies,”
“Jo?” he asked after a still silence, moving up
to face her.
“Are you aware just
how hard you slap a guy?”
“I’m sorry about that,” Joey sighed slowly, putting her
hand on his face. “I was angry,”
“Well it hurts,” he moaned.
“Does baby need
me to kiss his boo-boo?”
“Well… that would be great but you could kiss my face first,” Pacey
“You’re being lecherous again,” she whispered kissing his red cheek which still contained
his fingerprints. “Better?”
“Here,” he told her, pointing to his battered eye and she kissed
it. “One more,” he whispered pointing to his lip. “It’s [/i]really[/i]
She closed the gap between them, placing a small peck on his lips and pulling away from
him. Pacey placed his hand on her cheek, bringing her lips go hers once more and she captured them in a soft kiss before pulling
away slowly and pressing his forehead to hers.
“Kiss me again like that?” he asked after a moment. He didn’t
open his eyes but he could feel her hover above him with her lips close to his. She moved her lips to his and kissed him softly,
moaning into the kiss when he puller her underneath his body and smoothed the skin on her legs with his fingers, holding her
body against his.